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defend us madam


The skirt wills to defend the trousers. And why not…the skirt wearer has much more room between her legs that she can use to out- manoeuvre the enemy.

So naturally, I am happy that she has come up to defend our sovereignty in the face of arrogance from those who think they can play god to us black Africans.

I smiled when she said that the envoys are lowest in the order of Peking in their countries. I felt proud when she told off the man with a malleable sur- name.

But I am concerned.

Madam Minister

Loyalty is an admirable trait in anyone who purports to serve others. But when it is pursued blindly without any individual thought or in put, it may end up offending the very people to whom the allegiance is meant to be pledged.

I am a respecter of personal space. So I was quite elated when the honourable, most just and most constitutional citizen of our republic, went head to head with foreign overseers, who play the role of international watchmen whose only difference to our shirandula’s is their claim to a stamped passport and a healthier allowance. More politely, envoys.

Naturally, I am offended whenever they behave like the villager whose path to fulfilling his lifelong ambition of becoming village chief, is by poking his fat sweaty nose in everyone’s business. Whether invited or not. Their manner at times reminds me of a village elder who takes offense after he learns that your daughter went to Form One and you forgot to inform him.

I am neither Mugabe nor Fidel. But I am Kenyan. As much as I appreciate the fact that you became our nights in shining armour in our time of need, bear in mind that although you plotted and charted our map, we still determine what goes on within the borders.

No man has the right to play god over others. Your sins are not lesser than ours.

We are the wind. The most you can do to us is harness us for power to drive your capitalist economies, but you can’t possibly decide the direction in which we ought to blow. Even when you give your travel advisories to your citizens while comfortably issuing visas for Iraq without question, know that respect is mutually earned.

Our feet may not be big enough to step on your toes, but one day, we might just grow big enough to crush them.

That aside. The theatre of the absurd has come into town. And no. they are not dressed in funny baggy pants. They do not have orange hair or red noses. They dress in designer suits, drive customised cars, and dine at expensive restaurants, but they certainly do laugh loudly at their own jokes. How on earth do they vote on taking a break!

After working for around seven hours, our honourable MPs, decided to go for a break after the strains of saying ‘nay’ or ‘aye’ to a bill! And they are now proposing a ministry for Nairobi Metropolitan! Isn’t our dear president borrowing too much from Mu7?

What a wonderful world.

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